


Grey skies

by lovestillaround



Series: bingo fest 2019 [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: (not between dnp), Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 20:43:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20681642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovestillaround/pseuds/lovestillaround
Summary: it’s just an evening, and Phil comes to see Dan





	Grey skies

**Author's Note:**

> for the bingo square: divorce

“How’s Susanne?”

“Dan…”

“What? Can I not ask how’s your wife?”

“No, you cannot.”

They sit on the stairs of Dan’s house. The evening air is chill, but the tiles they sit on are much colder. Phil’s sleepy as hell, and the knowledge that very soon he will have to walk back home weighs heavy on him.

The rest of his thoughts is equally bitter. There’s a part of him that wants to stand up and do something, there’s a part of him that wants to crawl back into Dan’s bed, and there’s a part of him that wants to stay silent, and another one that wants to tell Dan to fuck off.

He consists of mere pieces.

“I thought we agreed we were not gonna talk about… about them,” he decides to say.

“I thought we agreed we both were gonna get divorced.”

“We are gonna. I… I am gonna. I will. I will, Dan.” Phil looks up at him, hoping that Dan would look back. He doesn’t.

Dan also doesn’t say anything else, and Phil can’t stand it.

“I just don’t know how to bring that up,” he adds much quieter after a moment of waiting.

“You know that I did that, right? You know that I did that and she’s gone? And now I’m waiting, and it feels like I’ll be waiting forever because you just can’t fucking do it, Phil. If you’ve changed your mind now… If you did, I fucking swear, Phil, I –”

“Stop it.” Phil sounds absolutely broken, even to his own ears, and this time Dan actually looks at him. “You know I couldn’t. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Silence falls for a moment. Phil stares at the field in front of him, a field covered in grey.

“Do you still fuck her?”

Phil wants to throw hands. Cry. Run away.

“Dan,” he just says, still staring at the colourless grass. He feels how his own body tenses involuntarily.

He wants to say that no, he doesn’t, but somehow that would still feel like admitting a failure.

*

“I told her.”

He can’t really read Dan’s gaze. He can’t even read his expression, they simply stare at each other until Dan turns his head away, as if he’s trying to hide but without moving his limbs.

“How did she react?” he asks.

“Badly.”

Only then Phil realises that Dan looked away because he was probably on the verge of tears. Now those tears are on his face, and even though his head is still turned away, there’s no point in hiding. Phil can see it.

“Dan?” he asks in the gentlest voice he can manage. He doesn’t know what he wants to hear in response to that.

“I’m sorry.”

Phil swallows thickly. “For what? Her reaction? It’s not your fault.”

“I forced you.”

“No, you didn’t. We wanted that, right? We want that.”

“I pushed you to do that. I got angry at you and made you do it, even though you…”

“I wanted that,” Phil interrupts, but Dan makes nothing of it.

“It was my idea anyway. We should’ve… we should’ve waited. Because she… she loves you, and you just what – come home telling her you want a divorce? A fucking divorce, what are we, fucking stupid?” His accent is very thick on the word _stupid_, and Phil could never explain why he chooses to focus on exactly this fact.

All he knows is that the world doesn’t feel real. The wind is heavy and cold, the clouds are low, way too low, almost as if they were about to suffocate them all.

“Did you change your mind, Dan?”

What comes next is Dan pushing him inside the house, closing these door with a loud thud and pinning him to the wall.

Phil feels like at once all his reflexes have stopped working, or maybe he just decides that he doesn’t want them to work. He trips over his own feet as Dan simply moves his body as if Phil were a blow doll.

He regains a bit of his usual sense of self when his back touches the wall. A contact with something solid and stable seems to ground him.

Dan, on the other hand, looks like the exact opposite of solid and stable. His face expresses some intense emotions Phil will probably never understand. Even the way he grips Phil’s shoulders seems shaky.

“Phil, for fuck’s sake, stop doubting me,” he mutters and leans in for a kiss with a gentleness that doesn’t match the tone of his voice.

Phil doesn’t know if he should be embarrassed that in this moment the butterflies in his stomach flutter so hard that he feels like his body is defying gravity.

*

They come back to that conversation later.

“If we’re in this together, we need to stop doubting each other,” Dan says.

Phil ends the conversation with a _yes, we do_.  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> if you enjoyed, you can [like/reblog the story on tumblr](https://lovestillaround.tumblr.com/post/187787137093/grey-skies-rating-t-words-818-square-fill)


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